Lol...yeah, I've had a few duds in my past that my father wanted to kill. One of them is my daughters father.
I hadn't seen him in years and years and right before she went to boot camp he stole money from someone to fly out here. I agreed to spend time with him for her sake as she had actually never even seen us together. I cannot describe how I felt when I saw him, and saw what he was. As soon as I left I got in my truck and just started bawling. I could not believe that I had been so screwed up I could fall for that piece of trash. I called George and he made me feel better by telling me it was ok, that's not who I am anymore, not even a tiny bit and I have come so far so don't get down on myself. My daughter was even embarrassed at how he was, because by this time she hadn't been around him for quite some time and she had George as an example of how a real man and father is supposed to be. Her attitude towards him has changed quite a bit since then as he is still a real POS, in fact currently in jail for probably his 20th time.
Unfortunately Bawb, there is nothing you can say or do...the more you try the more they rebel. She does not value herself right now enough to know any better, and she has kids so that makes it even harder to consider leaving him. She thinks that no other man is going to want her with the kids.
My daughter had one too...it was so hard to just let her learn but thankfully she got away unscathed.
I'm sorry, I know it's hard.