Marty the Barber.

[Mikey P]

stolen from FB, written but a guy who recently moved out west

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Today, I had my first California haircut which was given to me by the oldest, crankiest, Black man this side of the San Andreas Faultline.

I chose the shop only because I had walked past it before and seen him sitting there alone reading the paper. Also because it had one of those twirly red and white barber poles outside and I like those.

When I walked in the door, the bell just over my head rang alerting him to my presence and that's pretty much all it did. It alerted him. And the only reason I know that is because his eyes briefly looked up from his newspaper. He didn't say shit. Didn't move shit. Didn't feel shit. I stood there awkwardly for a full minute before he spoke.

"Well, sit down if you gonna sit down."

I sat down.

I have never seen something so old move without benefit of pall bearers. He was slow, creaky and fueled by evil. I thought maybe to ask him if he needed help but then thought better of it. Something told me that offering to help this man would be tantamount to offering to **** his wife. And I didn't want that smoke.

When he finally got behind me, he put on a sparkling white barber coat, covered me in a fresh linen, put that weird tape around my neck and spoke.

"Whatchu want?"

"Can you just cut it low?"

Methuselah went to work. He spoke, but I couldn't tell if he was speaking to me or not.

"Damn Republicans."

"What?"

Then nothing. He'd clam right up. It was like I didn't need to be there at all. When he finally addressed me directly...

"Yo head crooked."

"Excuse me?"

'You got a crooked-ass head. I gotta practically stand on one foot to get it lined up."

"Nobody ever told me that before."

"Well...they shudda. And you got a big dent in the middla yo head."

"Interesting story there", I said. When I was a kid..."

"Shhh.."

He cut my hair in silence. Cut it perfectly. Lines straight as an architect's. Shading impeccable. He handed me a mirror, again without a word. I had to compliment him.

"That's perfect."

"I know."

I gave him his money and a generous tip. He shoved it into his jacket pocket without looking at it. Then he told me....

"You go on out there and look good for a change."

"Yes sir. I'll be back."

"I know."

 

[Brian H]

I have never seen something so old move without benefit of pall bearers.

That line cracked me up!!

 

[hogjowl]

App name Melon

 

[Mikey P]

App name Melon

Is that a question or your way of telling me how much you appreciate my existence in your miserable world?

 

[hogjowl]

Yes

 

[Mikey P]

I’m taking my first road trip with Putinomics this week.

300 miles down to Death Valley in my big ass 8-cylinder Hemi with a ATV and an extra 40 gallons of liquid gold in tow.
Three days of focusing only on what is directly in front of me, or I’ll die is the greatest escape of the evils of the world that I know of. Laughing with my Off-Road buddies about how many RZR parts failed that day around the campfire is the 2nd best.

Fresh real moonshine made by a miner who’s out lived his profession, views of our world that only those who’ve been, can imagine, history in your face and dust in my every crevice, are what I live for these days.
Then on to Sin City to be with my other peeps, the world’s greatest floor cleaner society to celebrate or greatness and sell each other our handy works, thus burning 650 more miles up.
Then back home for a total of 1230 miles of unnecessary miles and 75 gallon of black moonshine down the drain.
But in todays’ pump reality, its just an extra $150 or so rubles. I can clean a couch to get that back.

You won’t see any bitching or angry memes coming out of me.


These trips of a lifetime have stacked up to the point that if the A-bomb hits our shores tomorrow, I have few regrets.

And an eternity of memories.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

These trips of a lifetime have stacked up to the point that if the A-bomb hits our shores tomorrow, I have few regrets.

And an eternity of memories.

I understand that completely.

Nicely said Michael

 

[Jim Morrison]

Epic barber shop story Mike, thanks for sharing!

 

[hogjowl]

I’m going to enjoy it
Immensely

 

[Mikey P]

I’m going to enjoy it
Immensely

reading it to your poor barber?

 

[hogjowl]

reading it to your poor barber?

You being gone

 

[Jim Pemberton]

This story reminded me of an automobile mechanic I went to when my first car needed a headlight replaced.

My father sent me there with no prior warning....

I walked in to this greasy dark place with papers everywhere and pornographic calendars on the wall. The guy was sitting at his desk smoking a cigar and writing something on a back of a stained piece of cardboard.

I said: "How much will you charge me to put a headlight on my car?"

He shifted his cigar to the other side of his mouth, looked me in the eye, and said:

"As much as I can kid"

A lot of business and life lessons were learned at that moment.

 

[Mikey P]

This story reminded me of an automobile mechanic I went to when my first car needed a headlight replaced.

My father sent me there with no prior warning....

I walked in to this greasy dark place with papers everywhere and pornographic calendars on the wall. The guy was sitting at his desk smoking a cigar and writing something on a back of a stained piece of cardboard.

I said: "How much will you charge me to put a headlight on my car?"

He shifted his cigar to the other side of his mouth, looked me in the eye, and said:

"As much as I can kid"

A lot of business and life lessons were learned at that moment.

Somehow I think this is fake news

I think Lee would kick your ass if he raised a kid stupid enough to not be able to install a headlight.

 

[Cleanworks]

This story reminded me of an automobile mechanic I went to when my first car needed a headlight replaced.

My father sent me there with no prior warning....

I walked in to this greasy dark place with papers everywhere and pornographic calendars on the wall. The guy was sitting at his desk smoking a cigar and writing something on a back of a stained piece of cardboard.

I said: "How much will you charge me to put a headlight on my car?"

He shifted his cigar to the other side of his mouth, looked me in the eye, and said:

"As much as I can kid"

A lot of business and life lessons were learned at that moment.

Price goes up on referrals.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

Somehow I think this is fake news

I think Lee would kick your ass if he raised a kid stupid enough to not be able to install a headlight.

No, I was never much of a mechanic.

I did ask him for money to change fluid and replace my transmission gasket once.

He handed me a book on how to do it.

It actually worked out, and I didn't ruin my transmission. But I did ruin my clothes and learned how to clean transmission fluid out of concrete while I was at it.

 

[Mikey P]

No, I was never much of a mechanic.

I did ask him for money to change fluid and replace my transmission gasket once.

He handed me a book on how to do it.

It actually worked out, and I didn't ruin my transmission. But I did ruin my clothes and learned how to clean transmission fluid out of concrete while I was at it.

I thought you can install a truckmount single handedly?

 

[Jim Pemberton]

I thought you can install a truckmount single handedly?

Not single handedly

What I've learned about installing and fixing truck mounts started when I was 16, and hardly anyone else understood anything about them then either.

We sort of grew up together.

This is all off topic.

Let's get back to cranky confident business people who are good enough to get away with poor human relations skills and still be successful.

I bet you know a few more....

 

[Mikey P]

I bet you know a few more....

Bob from Bob's RV service here in BeerCan Springs NV

I cleaned an ancient RV for him ONCE.

The steps wicked overnight, shocker, and his overreaction has lead me to watch his company with interest.

He's always super busy, somehow...


The lady is very nice. As for Bob the owner... a complete idiot. I asked them to get a price on an exhaust and let me know. I specifically told them not to buy anything cause I don't know if I want to purchase it right now. What does he do, buys the exhaust and then calls me to tell me we will be ready for you Saturday. Well... I had found one cheaper on ebay, so I called them as quickly as I could and told them to hurry and cancel so they don't get charged. So I still wanted them to install my exhaust on saturday that I purchased but I installed it Thursday and when I called to cancel on friday.... before I told them I installed it they said they didn't want my business. Like its my fault that fat dope. I hope you don't go here because they don't listen and Bob is a disrespectful fat pig who shouldn't have a business.


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Pure scum. When he yells yell back. Robert aka Bob is a punk that the NVDMV is to chicken shit to put him out of business. Read your bill of so called rights and wonder why Bobby is still in business.

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The only reason this P.O.S sex offender got my business was because I had an emergency with my lights on the trailer. There's cheaper and better shops as well as mobile companies out there. DO NOT GO HERE FOR ANYTHING! Bob if your reading this there's no reason you need to act the way you do with your customers. WE PAY YOU!


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I met the owner (Bob) ten years ago when I worked at a local business in Gardnerville which he visited occasionally. My boss would gab with Bob about cars since he was a car enthusiast, too, and Bob always seemed like a decent enough guy when he came in. I guess after having met him a few times, I thought he seemed trustworthy. Big mistake!

*After writing this review, it was brought to my attention by a fellow Yelper (thank you) that the owner of this business, Robert "Bob" Seldmayr, is also a sex offender -- for assault to commit rape. It makes my skin crawl to think that I was completely unaware of this fact during our business interactions.*



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You are now forewarned that Bob is the worst of the worst. Everything negative that you read about Bob and his company is true, EVERYTHING. The other nine good reviews must be fake or he once had a mechanic who knew what he was doing but quit. Bob is a thief, a lair, vulgar and if you have been robbed by Bob go to DMV and complete their compliance and complaint form. He is licensed by NVDMV and he must comply with the state and its NRS laws. Next, write to the DA to help show a pattern. Finally, write everyone including the BBB demanding the he be removed from the automotive repair industry. Time is on your side so be patient and every time your blood boils write a representative. Here are the laws he has broken just on my car.

1. Bob refused to provide an estimate on four separate occasions NRS.597.510 and NRS 597.490
2. Bob refused to return all used parts including my new plug wires, plugs, catalytic converter, exhaust, fuel pump, speedometer cable, NRS 597.550. None of this work was authorized.
3. Bob denied me the right to authorize work before repairs NRS 597.520
4. The right to a fair resolution NRS 597.490 is questionable since he has taken and refused to return the $4500 and cost me thousands more.
5. Bob, Tracy, and the mechanic have committed conspiracy with the intent to defraud.
6. Bob and his secretary use the internet and telephone for conspiracy to defraud and thus wire fraud.

All of this is bad enough but the work was not to industry standards including wiring that was spliced in, fuel leaks, gas tank left loose and an unapproved exhaust that is so loud it had to be removed.



and so on...

yet my best pal out here just took his RV there last week to get help with a roof leak.

 

[hogjowl]

You don’t have much to do, do you?

 

[Mikey P]

You don’t have much to do, do you?

I'm at my one job for today so leave me alone.

 

[Jimmy L]

Never trust a Bob