Prospective customer postcard suggestions, please.

[hogjowl]

I have a welcome wagon lady passing out free spotter bottles to new people who move into my little town. I am trying to design the wording for a postcard that ServiceMonster will mail out to them a week to a month after they receive my spotter bottle. I suck at this sort of thing and I am looking for suggestions from the Brian Robison, Ken Snow types that come here.

Here's my thougts on it, tell me how you would change it to make it better.

Dear Mrs. ?????

Welcome to Prattville! Doris with Friendly Welcome told me she gave you a bottle of our Poof Carpet and Upholstery spotter as a gift from us here at AdmiralClean. Poof is an outstanding spotter for use on carpet, rugs and upholstery. Unlike most grocery store spotters, Poof leaves no residue to attract soils and it dries to a fine powder that vacuums away. Simply apply it to the spot, allow it to dwell for a minute or two and then blot it up with a towel. After it dries, you can vacuum over the cleaned area if you like to vacuum away the fine powder residue.

Please keep it handy for your everyday needs and remember to call us for any of your carpet, tile and grout, wood and upholstery cleaning needs. If it's on the floor, we clean it!

 

[Bruce Humphrey]

Do those instructions come on the back of the bottle? and if not , then why don't they? and if yes then why would you want to repeat what she would already know?

 

[pinosan]

I don't think I post card will work well for this type of marketing idea. I think if you wrote a letter with your letter head and envelope will give you better response. first class mail
I agree with the instructions keep them out instead, give them an invitation to call you or e-mail you for any carpet or upholstery cleaning questions at any time at no charge no commitment to buy anything from you.

 

[Shane Deubell]

I have a welcome wagon lady passing out free spotter bottles to new people who move into my little town. I am trying to design the wording for a postcard that ServiceMonster will mail out to them a week to a month after they receive my spotter bottle. I suck at this sort of thing and I am looking for suggestions from the Brian Robison, Ken Snow types that come here.

Here's my thougts on it, tell me how you would change it to make it better.

Dear Mrs. ?????

Welcome to Prattville! Doris with Friendly Welcome told me she gave you a bottle of our Poof Carpet and Upholstery spotter as a gift from us here at AdmiralClean. Poof is an outstanding spotter for use on carpet, rugs and upholstery. Unlike most grocery store spotters, Poof leaves no residue to attract soils and it dries to a fine powder that vacuums away. Simply apply it to the spot, allow it to dwell for a minute or two and then blot it up with a towel. After it dries, you can vacuum over the cleaned area if you like to vacuum away the fine powder residue.

Please keep it handy for your everyday needs and remember to call us for any of your carpet, tile and grout, wood and upholstery cleaning needs. If it's on the floor, we clean it!

Sales letter in a hand written envelope may work better in this situation.

After your introduction include some history about your town and mention some regional events, favorite hot spots to go and eat.

 

[Desk Jockey]

I agree a little more formality is needed welcoming them to the community and introducing yourself. sMarty a letter will have more impact than the postcard, you also need to rethink what your goal is for this piece.

Is it truly to welcome them and intro you? If so this seems way too focused on the spotter.
You should pull a Steve Toburen and but that info in a P.S.


Here is what I would include in your letter:


Welcome them, tell them a little about Pigsnot, AL,
How long you’ve lived there

What you like about Pigsnot

What they should see
Your favorite places to eat and shop

How may years in business there

List of your services (you already did a fine job of that )

*Offer an exclusive introductory discount

 

[hogjowl]

Thanks for the suggestions, keep them coming. However, let me say that a letter is out of the question. It has to be a postcard, most likely from ServiceMonster, but I am not against the idea of a Wayne Miller card.

 

[Desk Jockey]

Ok then if it must be a post card try to incorporate most of my suggestions that you have room for.

Wayne could make you something with a graphic that depicts "Welcome to Pigsnot" , hands, a family.

What about a picture of you in front of you service van smiling (that will a tough one) with your hand extended as in a hand shake. Maybe even exaggerate your hand and arm. Then some text where you tell a little about the town and how you are glad to have them join your community. I'd still do the exclusive offer even though I know you have some money in the program and spotter already. It will be worth it to get yourself in the door, look at it as a paid demo and don't worry so much about profit on this introductory cleaning.

Use a script font and your signature or pigpaw which ever is easiest for ya!

I'd hep ya more but your have to buy my Foe-nominal Program to get the good chit!

 

[hogjowl]

If paying you gets me more Howard advice, no thanks. An exaggerated hand and arm? Good grief ...

How about I just tell them I gave them a free spotter and I expect them to call me when they need something cleaned?

 

[Desk Jockey]

Dude quit trying to make it easy on yourself! Skip the football games today, you'll lose to Ole Miss anyway!

Put some time in to your program. That big hand....it's is the deal-doe!

 

[hogjowl]

LOL ... "deal-doe". Will somebody who knows advertising please offer me some help?

 

[Desk Jockey]

That's it I'm done with you!

I risk Howard not sending anymore of his crap in the mail for you and this is how you treat me?

You're dead to me........well at least for the next few hours gotta run, we closed 30 minutes ago!

 

[hogjowl]

Yeah, Auburn actually showed up to play football today, so I'm going to watch them. Some of you REAL advertisers please offer your suggestions while Reeko and I are away.

 

[Desk Jockey]

They showed up for the first half and then went missing the second.

You should have been working on your post card, and think about the enlarged hand.....gold I tell you, pure gold!

 

[Biondom]

What about something like this?

Dear Mrs. [xxx],

Welcome to Prattville! We hope you’re enjoying the Fountain City.
Doris with Friendly Welcome told me she gave you a bottle of our Poof Carpet and Upholstery spotter as a gift from us here at AdmiralClean. Poof is an outstanding spotter for use on carpet, rugs and upholstery. Please keep it handy for your everyday needs, and remember to call us for any of your carpet, tile and grout, wood and upholstery cleaning needs.
We’re proud to have been making Prattville homeowners happy for over [x] years. Remember, if it's on the floor, we clean it!
Best regards,
[Name]
[Company Name]
[Phone Number]

 

[hogjowl]

Well now, finally someone with some sense and class came up with a nice suggestion. Thanks!

And screw you Reeko.

 

[Mikey P]

fountain city?



what a tag line.

 

[hogjowl]

We have artesian wells scattered throughout the area. Crisp, clean water just flowing out of the ground. No need to buy bottled water here. Just pull up to a well and fill up your jug.

 

[Desk Jockey]

You fookers really are assbackwards! Drink water out of the ground....sheehk!

 

[hogjowl]

The last time I was at my favorite well, I had to wait for about 20 of your cousins to get their old milk jugs filled before I could get any water.

 

[Mikey P]

We got a couple of those around here only we call them Springs and only stinky hippies dare drink the stuff.

 

[hogjowl]

Supposedly, these wells are tested every so often to make sure they are still safe to drink. They are located all around town. Somebody has put pipes into the ground now and the water flows out of the pvc pipes. Coldest water you can ever get. I have a friend who has a well on his property. He has it rigged so that it constantly flows into his "cement pond" (swimming pool). The water stays so cold that I don't see how anybody can get in it. You come out blue after about 30 seconds.

 

[Mikey P]

So nobody buys bottled water or just you?

 

[Bruce Humphrey]

I grew up drinking well water , it was hard getting used to city water.

 

[jcooper]

I have a wife, there is no way she's drinking well water... Our drinking water is bottled.

 

[Shorty]

Well I'll be damned.


Marty, I apologize, all these years, I thought you were slinging on the forum.

There really is a place called Prattville in Alabama.


Courtesy of Wicked leaks, or something like that:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prattville,_Alabama

Nickname(s): The Fountain City Motto: "The Preferred Community Where Progress & Preservation go Hand in Hand"


I do call into question though your story about Dick, (oops, sorry, we call people that are named Richard, Dick down under), Chavez relations drinking the well water.

According to the above web site, you don't have any Mexicans in your city, unless they're "other races".


(Arr, I presume Richard Chavez has Mexican relations.??)

"The racial makeup of the city was 83.09% White, 14.42% Black or African American, 0.42% Native American, 0.64% Asian, 0.05% Pacific Islander, 0.53% from other races, and 0.84% from two or more races. 1.71% of the population were Hispanic or Latino of any race."


Looks like a nice place that I should maybe consider retiring to, just not to keen on all them there hurrycanes, 'n tornadoes 'n such wreckin' the place like they do.

Nup, guess I'll stay put where I is.


Shorty extraordinaire.

PS:: I hope your Mardi Gras, ( is that where you got your name?), is nothing like the Sydney Mardi Gras.

( http://www.mardigras.org.au/ )

 

[Desk Jockey]

Shorty never apologize to him, even if you're wrong, it will spoil him.


Oh and did you call me dick?

 

[hogjowl]

Shorty, we have plenty of the little short brown ones here, but they don't tend to advertise their presence. We have to have SOMEBODY to do the work that American's are too lazy to do.

 

[Desk Jockey]

Hey I'm not short, can I help it if you're some kind of freaky Gii-raffe!