Suspicious Carpet Buyer

Mikey P

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Joined
Oct 6, 2006
Messages
114,064
Location
The High Chapperal
Posted at: 2010-02-27 00:13:38
Original ad:\ craigslist
I need a whole roll of carpet doesnt matter what kind will pay cash i need it fast

From Me to ***********@*************.org:

Hey,

Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need.

Thanks,

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

yeah I just need one how much do you want for it

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

what? I dont need any of that just the rug

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them.

I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up.

You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100.

You should act soon before it is too late!

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho
 

Mikey P

Administrator
Joined
Oct 6, 2006
Messages
114,064
Location
The High Chapperal
Original ad:
LOST DOCUMENT - PLEASE HELP
We were travelling down Schuykill Rd between Schoolhouse Rd and Hares Hill when a very important document blew out the window. If you find this document please let us know ASAP!
From Me to ************@************.org:

Hello,

I saw that you lost your document on the road I live on, so I figured I'd go out and try to find it for you. I found several things that could be your document but due to your lack of details I am not sure if I have the right one or not.

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

Can you please describe what you found! Thanks

J

From Me to Jessica ******:

Jessica,

Here are the three documents...I hope this helps:

The first document appears to be a receipt of some kind from McDonalds. It looks like the person paid for a McDouble and a small drink.

The second document is a page out of the Philadelphia Inquirer. It has the TV guide for the date of May 17th, 2010.

I can't quite figure out what the final document is...it is partially torn. On the front it says "NICKERS" and on the back there are some nutrition facts or something. It is very fancy paper - dark on one side and shiny on the other.

I hope one of these is your document so I can get it back to you safely.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

Great you found a receipt for food...a newspaper page...and a candy bar wrapper. Thanks a lot for the help jackass.

From Me to Jessica ******:

Well which one is yours?

Also, I found an empty coffee cup from Wawa if this helps.

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

Do you honestly think any of that crap is what I am looking for??? Why would you even bother emailing me I swear to god

From Me to Jessica ******:

Well I wasn't too sure about the coffee cup, but I thought maybe you wanted the McDonalds receipt because I figured that anyone who is too cheap to pay for the extra piece of cheese, and opts for the McDouble instead of the Double Cheeseburger, would probably need that receipt to get some kind of tax deduction.

I also thought perhaps you were watching a really good movie on TV and wanted to know what it was called, which is why you would have needed the TV guide. I looked through the TV guide and saw that "The Hunt For Red October" was on that night...were you thinking of that? It was the movie about submarines.

As for the candy bar wrapper, I figured you were on a diet and needed to see how many calories the candy bar was so you could figure out what else you were allowed to eat for the day.

I was just trying to help. Maybe next time you should be more specific as to what the document is. If you are going to be ungrateful, then I am just going to throw these documents back into the street where I found them.

Mike

From Jessica ****** to Me:

None of those things are documents!! How stupid are you????
 

Chris A

Member
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
5,475
Location
OH
Name
Chris
So when you say "Connoissuer is now a 2 truck company.", does that mean Chimpers and JR go out and clean and you and your "truck" sit and fook around on the internets all day? Hmmm...?
 

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