OK, big guy, on the way over to Miami I played with your copy. So (timidly submitted) are the two versions:
Your original here is 267 words: (And obviously doing the job.)
Hi Jane
We wanted to make sure you the post card we sent out on February 1st announcing our annual 20% off all services customer appreciation sale. I've talked to many customers that over looked the card among all the other junk mail that hit your boxes the same day. The offer is good until March 15th.
I also want to spread the word that we are now offering stone polishing and honing. If your Marble, Travertine or Limestone floors and counter
tops have lost that finish you loved so much when new, have us come out for a free evaluation. I have a good friend with lots of experience who I've hired to work with us on these projects. As far as I can tell, no other local company is offering this service.
Are you having trouble keeping your carpets clean? Perhaps your garage floor needs a good cleaning/degreasing. We can quickly scrub and steam clean your concrete floor the same day we clean your carpet so you no longer drag in the motor oil, black top residue and yard grime on to your freshly cleaned floors.
Last but not least, if you have a few minutes we would sure appreciate it if you took the time to vote for us in the Good Times “Best Of” poll. We have won the last three years and would love to keep the streak going..
Vote HERE!
Thanks again for your loyalty over the years!
Hope to see you soon,
Mike, Davis and Clayton.
www.santacruzclean.com
476 9721
or 588 9063 if you need to speak to me directly
So then I tweaked it a bit. I didn't achieve the 40% reduction but did get it down to 196 words plus maybe a little more snap. You decide... (Just don't get all hot and bothered. You can always "pull a Chavez", get lots of free help and then ignore all of it.)
Hi Jane,
I sent you a “20% off all services” post card last week. Since some clients didn’t see it I’m reminding everyone that you can save 20% on all our services till March 15th. For example…
Save 20% on our new stone polishing and honing services. If your Marble, Travertine or Limestone floors and counter
tops have faded (or are scratched) just give us a call for a free evaluation.
Or are your carpets re-soiling too quickly? We can now clean and degrease your concrete floors the same day we clean your carpets! The result? No more tracked in motor oil, black top residue and garage grime in your freshly cleaned home!
Finally, I personally would greatly appreciate your vote in the Good Times “Best Of” poll. Connoisseur Cleaning has won for the last three years and with your help we can keep our streak going!
Vote HERE! And my thanks in advance!
I truly appreciate your loyalty over the years!
Mike
www.santacruzclean.com
476 9721 (or call me on my cell: 588 9063)
PS Remember, you can save 20% on all our services (and keep Davis and Clayton busy and out of trouble!) through March 15!
