Your Deodorizer Doesn't Work!

[Jim Pemberton]

I try to avoid selling products to end users; its not our business model, and as you well know, consumers are not a little bit demanding.

I received a call from someone who bought a product, and she said it didn't work.

I asked for details:

Her "pet" urinated on the back seat of their van. She treated it with the product recommended by an employee, and she was upset that the odor was still there.

I asked a few questions about penetration (thinking she will need to inject it) and then I asked the important question that hadn't been asked before:

"What kind of animal was it?" (I wanted to know cat versus dog, especially if it was a larger dog.)

"It was a donkey. We were taking it to the vet, and it peed all over the seat then died"

Donkey pee.....a lot of donkey pee...

I suggested that the seat be replaced.

 

[hogjowl]

I bet it was from a 334 area code

 

[Jim Pemberton]

No, but it was from a part of southwestern PA we affectionately call "Pennsyltucky"

You know, the kind of place where upholstered sofas are acceptable as porch furniture, and rusty cars up on blocks are lawn ornaments.

 

[Lee Stockwell]

HEY!!! Even Kentucky has standards....

I did clean for an otherwise intelligent person who kept a full-sized sow in her house. I recognized the pungent odor from my boyhood on a Michigan farm.

She didn't notice it...

 

[Jimmy L]

I hope you gave her money back Jim. It is the right thing to do.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

I hope you gave her money back Jim. It is the right thing to do.

If I can have a picture of the dead donkey in the van, it would be more than worth it for the entertainment value.

Not that I take joy in the demise of the poor animal. Its just the whole thing of a family van being used as a donkey ambulance that I found a bit entertaining.

I was duly sympathetic to the grieving donkey owner, to be clear.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

I hope you gave her money back Jim. It is the right thing to do.

I have given this more thought.

As my spiritual adviser, I will do as you say Jimmy....you have always been a beacon of reason in the otherwise confusing world in which we live.

 

[bob vawter]

Again tff

 

[ruff]

I have given this more thought.

As my spiritual adviser, I will do as you say Jimmy....you have always been a beacon of reason in the otherwise confusing world in which we live.

It is not if you inhaled..................it's how much and were there other substances involved?

 

[Cleanworks]

I try to avoid selling products to end users; its not our business model, and as you well know, consumers are not a little bit demanding.

I received a call from someone who bought a product, and she said it didn't work.

I asked for details:

Her "pet" urinated on the back seat of their van. She treated it with the product recommended by an employee, and she was upset that the odor was still there.

I asked a few questions about penetration (thinking she will need to inject it) and then I asked the important question that hadn't been asked before:

"What kind of animal was it?" (I wanted to know cat versus dog, especially if it were a larger dog.)

"It was a donkey. We were taking it to the vet, and it peed all over the seat then died"

Donkey pee.....a lot of donkey pee...

I suggested that the seat be replaced.

Reminds me of a job I did once. I am starting at a large stain in the middle of the living room, I ask what kind of dog do you have, thinking it must be a German Shepherd or something. "It wasn't my dog", she says, "it was my boyfriend". Later she clarified it to ex-boyfriend.

 

[Nomad74]

Donkey Pee..... You got me beat.

I did clean a room once where a pig was raised.

 

[Old Coastie]

No, but it was from a part of southwestern PA we affectionately call "Pennsyltucky"

You know, the kind of place where upholstered sofas are acceptable as porch furniture, and rusty cars up on blocks are lawn ornaments.

“Georgia.”

And the donkey didn’t just die, it killed itself from shame.
Nevermind why.

 

[icleancarpetz]

P

 

[Jimmy L]

Can't say I've ever seen a donkey up here. I always thought they existed only in movies.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

I shared this story about the donkey, the minivan, and the outflow of urine as said donkey crossed over to the Elysian Fields, with my girlfriend...

She said this:

"You know, these stories of yours about owls in your bedroom when you were a kid, snakes in your house, getting rabies shots for bat bites, your buddy Mikey and his pals and the things they share on that board, and now this whole donkey in the truck story...do you know what they have in common? .....YOU!"

"These things don't happen to normal people. Normal people don't even know about things like this. You really aren't a normal person Jim"

 

[ruff]

Jim, have you read any of Gerald Durrell books? I think you'll love them.
The best being "My family and other animals".
He's one of the funniest writers and I think that you of all people will relate. He has other good books too.

 

[hogjowl]

You people thought Deuteronomy was good reading ...

 

[ruff]

Yea. Isn't it?
Though not as much gnashing of the teeth as the gospel

And just in case your deodorizer does not work as well, here is Bertrand Russell for your education and entertainment:

 

[Cleanworks]

Can't say I've ever seen a donkey up here. I always thought they existed only in movies.

I'm sure you've seen an ass in Nebraska

 

[Old Coastie]

Jim, have you read any of Gerald Durrell books? I think you'll love them.
The best being "My family and other animals".
He's one of the funniest writers and I think that you of all people will relate. He has other good books too.

As a boy I often wondered what became of the Bootle Bumtrinket. It must be bobbing around Corfu somewhere.

 

[Steve Lawrence]

I wonder if her insurance would cover the cost of a new seat.

 

[Hoody]

@Jim Pemberton Have you told your girlfriend about the lion/tiger(don't remember which it was) urine soaked upholstery yet?

I laugh every time I think of it because I imagine a very brief wide-eyed stare from you looking at the piece.

 

[Jim Pemberton]

I left that out of her rant to save space.

Yes, she was stunned by that one too. It was lion urine. I remember picking out the hairs from the fabric; they were as thick as needles.

She told me that our relationship has been very educational.....its broken her from watching "Reality TV", because my stories (and often this place) are either funnier or more shocking, or both.

 

[icleancarpetz]

Can't say I've ever seen a donkey up here. I always thought they existed only in movies.

Some have become so smart that they’ve learned to post on bulletin boards....

 

[bob vawter]

I shared this story about the donkey, the minivan, and the outflow of urine as said donkey crossed over to the Elysian Fields, with my girlfriend...

She said this:

"You know, these stories of yours about owls in your bedroom when you were a kid, snakes in your house, getting rabies shots for bat bites, your buddy Mikey and his pals and the things they share on that board, and now this whole donkey in the truck story...do you know what they have in common? .....YOU!"

"These things don't happen to normal people. Normal people don't even know about things like this. You really aren't a normal person Jim"

Funny....cuz my wife calls it
"That board"....as well ?????

 

[Jim Pemberton]

Funny....cuz my wife calls it
"That board"....as well ?????

Damon's last story about the drunken landlord was among Carol's favorites...though "F'n with Jarmoush" also was a hit

 

[Nomad74]

Damon's last story about the drunken landlord was among Carol's favorites...though "F'n with Jarmoush" also was a hit

Glad I could make the Top-10, but Jarmoush was pretty damn funny.

 

[Josh Almanza]

No, but it was from a part of southwestern PA we affectionately call "Pennsyltucky"

You know, the kind of place where upholstered sofas are acceptable as porch furniture, and rusty cars up on blocks are lawn ornaments.

Lol!!

 

[Lee Stockwell]

We have communities in Kentucky like that, and I red flag them.

Hickman KY, on the Mississippi. White trash section 8 owners and drug infested tenants. It needs to finish falling in the river.

Dexter and Hardin KY closer to home are getting bad too.

 

[steve_64]

I've been told my deodorant doesn't work.