Any suggestions??

[Kevin. McCreary]

This is a rough, rough, rough, draft of an email template that I want to start sending to clients after they book a job. I'm open to whatever anyone has to say because I feel like I'm really missing something, and really need to omit something.

Logo

Dear (customer name),
Thank you for choosing McCreary's Healthy Homes for your cleaning needs. We have you on our schedule on (date) with an approximate arrival time of (time of appointment ). We would appreciate it if you can leave us an open spot in your driveway to access the front or garage door. Please secure pets upon our arrival, preferably to an area that will not be in need of service. We do love animals and are pet owners ourselves, so our saftey for your pets are of concern to us. Please remove small items and breakables from the areas to be serviced. It will enhance the results of the cleaning if carpets are pre vaccumed with in 24 hours of arrival. Please keep in mind that we will move and reset many items of furniture for you, however the less items we have to move the more we can focus on a cleaning strategy and not a moving strategy. We would like to walk through the areas to be serviced with you before cleaning to address concerns, make suggestions, and make sure that the pricing is correct. We do offer additional services that can be added at the time of cleaning such as Scotchgard fabric protection and deodorizing. In some instances we can service additional items not originally scheduled if time permits. If you are unsure of the items you would like serviced please contact us as soon as possible so we may make adjustments as necessary.If you need to cancel, reschedule or make changes to your service date or time please notify us as soon as possible.All of our services are backed with a no questions asked money back guarantee. Lastly payments are due on completion of services, we accept cash, check, and most major credit cards. If you have any other questions feel free to call us or visit our website at (website) Thank you for choosing McCreary's Healthy Homes.

Sincerely, (signature)

Kevin McCreary owner.

P. S. If you have a neighbor in need of our services and coordinate cleaning in the same day, we will be glad to offer you both a 10% discount.
Please follow us on (Twitter) (FB) (G+) for current offers and promotions.

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[Kevin. McCreary]

Btw- I usually vacuum again, but its nice when an occasional slob vacuums before we vacuum.

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[FredC]

I'd probably change the moving strategy vs cleaning strategy language. Kind of reads like "if we have to move your shit you will get less of a cleaning".

and bullet point it...along with other text formatting like possibly bolding the additional services and the cancellations part

and even after you correct things like "so our saftey for your pets" in your rough rough draft...have a few others read it.....

 

[FredC]

I'd also probably a/b test a couple versions to see if one in particular resulted in increased attention to the pre-cleaning request and receptiveness to upsells

 

[Ron Werner]

with in = within referring to your arrival time

other than that I like it. covers the main points

 

[Brian H]

Kevin,

It's way too wordy for me, I didn't even read the entire thing. It's also been my experience that most customers won't read it at all.
I would suggest as Fred said to use bullet points to break it up. Get rid of anything that isn't absolutely necessary. For example, "All of our services are backed with a no questions asked money back guarantee" is a selling feature, no need for that in a preparation for cleaning letter. I did a real quick modification to show you what I mean. It still needs work but it will give you an idea of something a bit more readable.


Thank you for choosing McCreary's Healthy Homes for your cleaning needs!!

We have you on our schedule on (date) with an approximate arrival time of (time of appointment ).


To prepare for your cleaning:

*We need access to the front door, please leave room in your drive if possible.

*Please secure pets upon our arrival, preferably to an area that will not be in need of service.

*Please remove small items and breakables from the areas to be serviced.

*It will enhance the results of the cleaning if carpets are pre vaccumed with in 24 hours of arrival.

*We do offer additional services that can be added at the time of cleaning such as Scotchgard fabric protection and
deodorizing.

Payments are due on completion of services, we accept cash, check, and most major credit cards. If you have any other questions feel free to call us or visit our website at (website)

Thank you for choosing McCreary's Healthy Homes.


Sincerely, (signature)

Kevin McCreary owner.

 

[Kevin. McCreary]

Yeah I like that way better. I'm glad I put this up here, I get way to technical and want to tell you how great we are. Thank you!!!

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[Mikey P]

Damn...that's a form letter for every cleaner out there. Nice job BrIan!!

 

[Brian H]

Damn...that's a form letter for every cleaner out there. Nice job Bryan!!

Sigh, if only you could spell my name right...

 

[Desk Jockey]

 

[Mikey P]

Maybe I need to edit mine down as well..



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Dear [FIRST_NAME] [LAST_NAME],​

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We look forward to your upcoming appointment. We’ll need your assistance to make the areas you want cleaned as accessible as possible.
1. Please arrange for a parking spot as close to your front door or cleaning project as possible

2. Remove all breakable items from the cleaning area and store in a safe area (lamps, collectibles, etc.)

3. Other than large furniture, please remove all items from the floor
(waste baskets, potted plants, brief cases, toys, etc.). If you are physically unable to move things yourself and cannot arrange for help, we will be more than happy to assist. Please pin up or tuck in bed spreads and dust ruffles. Drapes can either be hung up on the end of the rod, gently draped over each other or the ends placed in a plastic garbage bag. Extremely large or heavy items will remain in place (i.e. entertainment units, china cabinets, pianos). We will clean up to the outside edges. Medium-sized furniture (i.e. tables, coffee tables, end tables, wing chairs, recliners, sofas) can be moved, the area cleaned, and returned to their location. We will place protective padding under furnishings with wood or metal feet to protect the carpet and the furniture. Some furniture is best left off the carpet until completely dried. We will discuss options during your appointment

4. Have a safe place for your pets to stay,
Your front door or other access point will need to be left open during the cleaning process and we would hate it if Skippy or Shadow escaped.
5. Tell us your every concern.
Point out spots and spills and tell us what they are.
6.We will pre vacuum your carpet prior to cleaning but if you would like to knock dust and cob webs off base boards, ceiling fans and from the back of furniture we recommend doing so prior to our arrival.

7. If we are cleaning your upholstered furniture:
Please have the pieces easily accessible from all sides and away from any breakable objects or delicate floorings. We can clean your sofas or chairs over the carpet/rugs being cleaned that day or if possible we can clean them outside or in your garage. The pieces set can be on tarps as a last resort. Loose cushions will be "A" framed on provided plastic sheeting, preferably outside for quick drying. In most cases furniture should not be reassembled the same day, rather when completely dry the following day.

and finally;

#8. If you we will be applying Teflon Protector to your carpet or furniture (recommended!) please plan on treading as lightly as possible for the next 12 hours as the sealant needs time to cure.

Thank you for choosing Connoisseur!
If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to call me direct @ 831 588 ****
Mike Pailliotet
www.santacruzclean.com
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[GCCLee]

Maybe I need to edit mine down as well..



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Dear [FIRST_NAME] [LAST_NAME],​

​

​

​

​

​

​

We look forward to your upcoming appointment. We’ll need your assistance to make the areas you want cleaned as accessible as possible.
1. Please arrange for a parking spot as close to your front door or cleaning project as possible

2. Remove all breakable items from the cleaning area and store in a safe area (lamps, collectibles, etc.)

3. Other than large furniture, please remove all items from the floor
(waste baskets, potted plants, brief cases, toys, etc.). If you are physically unable to move things yourself and cannot arrange for help, we will be more than happy to assist. Please pin up or tuck in bed spreads and dust ruffles. Drapes can either be hung up on the end of the rod, gently draped over each other or the ends placed in a plastic garbage bag. Extremely large or heavy items will remain in place (i.e. entertainment units, china cabinets, pianos). We will clean up to the outside edges. Medium-sized furniture (i.e. tables, coffee tables, end tables, wing chairs, recliners, sofas) can be moved, the area cleaned, and returned to their location. We will place protective padding under furnishings with wood or metal feet to protect the carpet and the furniture. Some furniture is best left off the carpet until completely dried. We will discuss options during your appointment

4. Have a safe place for your pets to stay,
Your front door or other access point will need to be left open during the cleaning process and we would hate it if Skippy or Shadow escaped.
5. Tell us your every concern.
Point out spots and spills and tell us what they are.
6.We will pre vacuum your carpet prior to cleaning but if you would like to knock dust and cob webs off base boards, ceiling fans and from the back of furniture we recommend doing so prior to our arrival.

7. If we are cleaning your upholstered furniture:
Please have the pieces easily accessible from all sides and away from any breakable objects or delicate floorings. We can clean your sofas or chairs over the carpet/rugs being cleaned that day or if possible we can clean them outside or in your garage. The pieces set can be on tarps as a last resort. Loose cushions will be "A" framed on provided plastic sheeting, preferably outside for quick drying. In most cases furniture should not be reassembled the same day, rather when completely dry the following day.

and finally;

#8. If you we will be applying Teflon Protector to your carpet or furniture (recommended!) please plan on treading as lightly as possible for the next 12 hours as the sealant needs time to cure.

Thank you for choosing Connoisseur!
If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to call me direct @ 831 588 ****
Mike Pailliotet
www.santacruzclean.com
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May I use most of that Sir : )

 

[Brian H]

Mike,

I like how you did that. You had nice break point. You said what you really needed to say in the first couple words of each point and went into more detail if the customer wanted to read further. Good job!!

The key for me is to avoid a single large paragraph. I don't have that long of an attention span. Even in posts on this site and others, I will avoid long winded posts.

 

[boazcan]

Mike - do you mind sharing your hard surface letter as well?

I would like to do a hybrid / modified version of both.

Hopefully it will be a suggestive sales tool for each service.


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[Ron K]

#8 "If you we will"