Please critique a post card for me.

[Mikey P]

Front ( any snazzy stock wool rug photos?)

“Do your rugs need a good long bath?”

Vapor logo http://www.vaporcleaners.biz/ (coat hanger) and Connoisseur logo (oval from last year’s cards)


Back

Vapor Cleaners and Connoisseur Cleaning are now offering local “In Plant” rug cleaning.
In our brand new modern facility your wool, synthetic and bound rugs will be treated like kings. After a good vigorous massage to remove all tension (and dry soil) your rug will be pampered in either an invigorating hot shower or a relaxing warm bath to remove all of its stress (and sticky soils). Next a nice long nap in our heated drying room will ensure your rug will come back to you relaxed, ready and looking good for another year of kids, pets and absent minded husbands.

Call today to receive 20% off! In a balloon or star

Under the Vapor logo on the back add these services:
· Dry cleaning
· Laundering
· Draperies
· Uniform Service
· Leather and Suede cleaning

Under the Connoisseur logo add:
· Residential and Commercial Carpet Cleaning
· Upholstery Cleaning
· Tile, Stone and Grout Cleaning and Sealing.

 

[Bruce Humphrey]

That sounds real good to me , I'm sure you will have a real eye catching card to put that text on. To me it's all about what the card looks like instead of what it says.

Do you write all your own stuff ? Some of the things I read on your blog were great.

 

[Mikey P]

..lol, I write a lot of it, including the above but some of the blog stuff I stole from Ernie's website.

Tell me what you liked and I'll tell you who wrote it.

 

[rhyde]

what post card?

when are you sending this out ?

existing clients or new?

 

[rhyde]

Back

Vapor Cleaners and Connoisseur Cleaning are now offering local “In Plant” rug cleaning.
In our brand new modern facility your wool, synthetic and bound rugs will be treated like kings. After a good vigorous massage to remove all tension (and dry soil) your rug will be pampered in either an invigorating hot shower or a relaxing warm bath to remove all of its stress (and sticky soils). Next a nice long nap in our heated drying room will ensure your rug will come back to you relaxed, ready and looking good for another year of kids, pets and absent minded husbands..

IMO..Too wordy and you want to avoid words like "vigorous massage", "hot shower", business as being "new" when I read this i think inexperience, shrinkage, nap distortion. IMO… you want to engage your client about specific cleaning procedures in person/ phone NOT in a mailer where a potential client can make bad assumptions.

Accentuate your combined experience "Vapor Cleaners and Connoisseur Cleaning have pooled our 100+ years of combined experience to offer “In Plant” rug cleaning for oriental & area rugs. "

Call today to receive 20% off! In a balloon or star.

time experation ?