Critic needed.

[Mountain View Carpet Care]

This is going out to 22k homes in Vancouver here. what does it need?

 

[steve r]

you accept cast?

 

[Chads]

I didnt quite get the whole 179 dollar thing you think your custys will need to say so many rooms or whole house or something like that. other than that it looks pretty good.

 

[Larry B]

The "at its best" is a little off center

"cast" for payment

Other than that it looks good.

 

[packfancjh]

Picture is a little fuzzy.

 

[Able 1]

Is that poor kids head to big for his neck to support? J/K

Looks good! Few little changes as mentioned before...

 

[Scott]

I only have a few minutes before my next meeting so just a few things beyond what the others have written so far for now:

"its" not "it's"

Is "Carpet Cleaning At Its Best" a strong enough distractor to engage the reader? How about "Little Johnny's Smile Says it Best - (insert USP)"

Is the offer strong enough? Not knowing your regular prices I don't know. What matters is what the customer thinks of the value.

Benefits, man, benefits! "Advanced New Truck Mounted Systems" means what to the customer? If you can place "which means" after a statement, you haven't yet found the benefit. I.E.

"Advanced New Truck Mounted Systems": WHICH MEANS ____(benefit)____
"High Power Hot Water Extraction": WHICH MEANS ____(benefit)____

I'd change it to: "Highly Trained Cleaning Technicians" instead of "carpet". Even better I'd say, "Our Professionally Trained Cleaning Technicians Ensure You Always Get Fantastically Clean Carpet!"

 

[FB7777]

the small print appears to be a disclaimer based on defining what constitutes a room... ie LR/DR considered 2 areas XXL rooms considered 2 rooms

but the coupon is based on square feet, so even I'm a bit confused about what the offer is

 

[Brian R]

I just sent out 80,000 post cards with that same picture of the kid. It is a smaller pic because the quality of the pic was not good enough.
It might look too "fuzzy" on a card like that.

I have three other pics along with it so it looks pretty good.

 

[Brian R]

Here it is

 

[Chris Muetterties]

Is that poor kids head to big for his neck to support? J/K

Mikes kids are all grown........................

Must be his Grandchild :shock:

 

[Scott]

DUDE

WARNING DON'T CALL ANOTHER CLEANER TILL YOU CALL OUR 1 999 NUMBER ON HOUR TO HIRE A CLEANER

MOST THOUROUGH CLEANING EVER OR YOU MONEY BACK

200% GUARANTEE

FREE CARPET AUDIT

FREE BOOTIES

FREE SPOTER

FREE REPORT

WARNING MOST CLEANERS ARE UNSCRUPLOUS MASTABATORS AND WHO KNOW WHAT THEIR DOING IN FRONT OF GRAND MUTHERS PIC

WE WOULD NEVER STEAL THE RIBON CANDY OFF THE LR TABLE

YOUR PANTIES ARE SAFE WITH US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And who says Odin never helps??? lol

 

[Shawn Abbey]

I'll echo what Scott had to say......

My opinion would be take it a step further. I've seen hundreds of these type of flyers in my mailbox, and this looks like one of them. All say the same thing. Consider writing the copy to answer the question, "What can you do for me that the other companies whom I received flyers, not do?" (aka. USP). Although, I'll admit, the little kid DID grab my attention!

Second, what is the significance of the van picture? You might want to have a picture of you with a customer. Or, something that will be convincing and shows the uniqueness of your business. Think different..........

Shawn "I'm no expert, but I do have opinions!" Abbey

 

[renegade_cowboy]

You can try adding "boobs" in big bold letters at the top of the ad and it might get more attention. :wink: Other than that I like it.

 

[Jay D]

I second what Odin said and also agree, lose the van picture replace with a picture of you or you with your family. Stick the skinny kid out in front so the ladies can see his ribs sticking out and get the sympathy calls.

 

[rhyde]

I like to be on the cutting edge here’s my tag line

“Our cleaning chemicals won’t kill your family and give your unborn child birth defects like the other guys”

 

[Larry B]

Proof that you cant please everyone.

Just mail it out..

 

[Dolly Llama]

I like to be on the cutting edge here’s my tag line

“Our cleaning chemicals won’t kill your family and give your unborn child birth defects like the other guys”

LOL!!!

..................................

i suck at marketing, but my first thought was DUMP the van pic.



..L.T.A.

 

[Brian R]

I like to be on the cutting edge here’s my tag line

“Our cleaning chemicals won’t kill your family and give your unborn child birth defects like the other guys”

yea yea, sure sure.

 

[The Great Oz]

"its" not "it's"

Is "Carpet Cleaning At Its Best" a strong enough distractor to engage the reader? How about "Little Johnny's Smile Says it Best - (insert USP)"

Is the offer strong enough? Not knowing your regular prices I don't know. What matters is what the customer thinks of the value.

Benefits, man, benefits! "Advanced New Truck Mounted Systems" means what to the customer? If you can place "which means" after a statement, you haven't yet found the benefit. I.E.

"Advanced New Truck Mounted Systems": WHICH MEANS ____(benefit)____
"High Power Hot Water Extraction": WHICH MEANS ____(benefit)____

I'd change it to: "Highly Trained Cleaning Technicians" instead of "carpet". Even better I'd say, "Our Professionally Trained Cleaning Technicians Ensure You Always Get Fantastically Clean Carpet!"

I agree with Scott. If you're going to spend the money on a mailing...

I'd skip both of the lines that Scott noted needed an added definition. Highly trained technicians and fast dry times mean something to the customer.

Add the word combination to the disclaimer "great/living/dining" as this could be read as any dining room, or living room, or great room would be excluded from your advertised price. Maybe have some fun with the wording: Palatial sized rooms and combinations of rooms may require an additional charge.

I would also remove the "no exceptions" wording, as this is something you can explain to a customer. Don't chase them away with anything negative.

Lose the truck and make your (I think I recall good looking) horizontal logo on the top or bottom, then...

Forget it. Just use Brian's card with your logo and phone.

 

[Larry B]

Forget it. Just use Brian's card with your logo and phone.

Problem solved. 8)

 

[scotty747]

my chems will so get the hell out of the house while i clean.

 

[Pmatte]

"heavily soiled areas...." man,that just reeks of B/S or BS, depends on your glasses. You are there to clean aren't you? Maybe have a note excluding vomit,fecal and urine. Those are the types of soiling that should be extra.
just my 2 pennies......Patrick

 

[cu]

ugly




there you go
thanks
i always wanted to be a critic

 

[Brian R]

[quote="The Great Oz":33mabnor]Forget it. Just use Brian's card with your logo and phone.

Problem solved. 8)[/quote:33mabnor]


I'll let you know how they work out.

If you want to email me I will send you a good size file of the card that you can adapt to your company.

Pm your email to me.

 

[Able 1]

Brian is that the bridgepointdirect card?

 

[Bob Foster]

Note: We are not associated with Checkmate Carpet Cleaning in any way. We don't even have tool belts!

 

[Mountain View Carpet Care]

Note: We are not associated with Checkmate Carpet Cleaning in any way. We don't even have tool belts!

Bob ar eyou the one that changed my avitar?

 

[Bob Foster]

Now why would I do something like that.....

 

[Bob Foster]

Now why would I go and do something like that.....