In fact, my carpet doesn’t even have a job. It’s not that he’s lazy; he’s just the free-spirited type. He’s always saying that, despite his fabric composition, he’s got a hardwood soul. So, even if he could make an appointment with the Rug Doctor Mighty Pro, he probably wouldn’t do it.
I’ve tried to convince him. I’ve told him all about the Rug Doctor’s services. I’ve explained that, with a 1.9hp motor, the Rug Doctor can really get in there and pull out dirt from deep down. I said that all that power means less moisture and a quicker dry time. But no, the carpet was all like “Our ancestors lived in harmony with dirt and moisture. Why should we not do the same?” And then he gave me this big speech about how we’ve become too reliant on technology and chemicals to feel happy.
When I told him about how the brush’s back and forth motion will clean each fiber, leaving him soft, clean, and refreshed, the carpet told me that no brush had the power to calm like a soul in flight. I don’t even know what that means. He’s a carpet for crying out loud. He’s one of the least in-flight objects ever. I guess I could have asked him to explain, but I figured I would just get his usual “are we all not magic carpets in our own way?” speech again. Ugh. Spare me.
I FEAR OUR OLD FRIEND SHAWN....
HAS HAD A STROKE!
