What Do You Think About This For ADVERTISING... Copy

Shane Deubell

Supportive Member
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4,052
Definitely reminds you of joe polish...

I really liked some parts of it but some seemed negative and one thing i am learning from ken is to stay away from anything negative. Overall service i was very happy, he gave me 2 pages of copy and 2 pages of cliff notes why he chose certain words/sentences.

What is your opinion good or bad?

Overall and/or certain sections.
PS. I did make a couple small edits


[FONT=&quot]We Help Busy Homeowners Who Struggle To Find The [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Time To Keep Their Carpets Clean, Get Fresh, Healthy [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Carpets & Upholstery In As Little As 2 Hours While [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Providing Our Flexible Scheduling Guarantee. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"How Are Your Dirty Carpets & Upholstery Effecting[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Your Health?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]According to the Center for Disease Control: airborne [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]irritants caused by dirty carpets & upholstery cause [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]disease and illnesses[/FONT][FONT=&quot] such as: [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]- Asthma - Bronchitis - Cough - [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]- Pneumonia - Fever - Itchy Eyes - [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Think Your Carpet Is Clean? Think Again.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Average Homeowner's Carpet Harbors 200,000 [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Bacteria Per/Square Inch![/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]With Our "5-Step Cleaning" Formula, We Kill 99% Of [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Germs & Bacteria The First Time![/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We Know You're Busy... With Our Flexible Scheduling Guarantee, You Propose 2 Separate Cleaning Times, If [/FONT][FONT=&quot]We Fail To Accommodate These Times The Service is [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Free! [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Call Us Now For a FREE Inspection To Determine If[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Your Home Is Putting Your Health In Danger![/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]1-800-WE CLEAN[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
 

Royal Man

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Dave Yoakum
Do you really want to scare prospects into submission and why is the Headline buried after the first paragraph? Most prospects will see this copy for what it is. A pile of steaming crap!!! It will only appeal to those mentally neurotic and the very naïve.
 
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jcooper

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Jerry Cooper
I like this part...

We Help Busy Homeowners Who Struggle To Find The
Time To Keep Their Carpets Clean, Get Fresh, Healthy
Carpets & Upholstery

The part below sound like a perfect 4.95 a room ad. Imo...

According to the Center for Disease Control: airborne
irritants caused by dirty carpets & upholstery cause
disease and illnesses such as:
- Asthma - Bronchitis - Cough -
- Pneumonia - Fever - Itchy Eyes -
Think Your Carpet Is Clean? Think Again.
The Average Homeowner's Carpet Harbors 200,000
Bacteria Per/Square Inch!
With Our "5-Step Cleaning" Formula, We Kill 99% Of
Germs & Bacteria The First Time!


We Know You're Busy... With Our Flexible Scheduling Guarantee, You Propose 2 Separate Cleaning Times, If We Fail To Accommodate These Times The Service is
Free!
Call Us Now For a FREE Inspection To Determine If
Your Home Is Putting Your Health In Danger!
 
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Jimmy
Ah, well I suppose I'll jump in to save the copy I wrote.

After a few days on the forum, I can see people here believe in a different form of advertising than what this piece is using.

But, as for the structure, it didn't copy/paste well in here, and was written for a post card, the headline isn't actually quite as buried as it appears.

I did print this out to see the sizing of it as I was worried it would be too "cramped", but it does fit nicely and is very easily read.

I would go in and break down each section as to the logic behind it, but, Shane purchased this and I'm not sure if he wants me to freely share that information.
"How Are Your Dirty Carpets & Upholstery Effecting Your Health?"
According to the Center for Disease Control: airborne
irritants caused by dirty carpets & upholstery cause
disease and illnesses such as:
- Asthma - Bronchitis - Cough -
- Pneumonia - Fever - Itchy Eyes -
Change to....
"Do You Ever Suffer From Any Of The Following Respiratory Illnesses?"
- Asthma - Bronchitis - Cough -
- Pneumonia - Fever - Itchy Eyes -

According to the Center for Disease Control: These Maybe Caused By
Dirty Carpet & Upholstery

There, you have now gone from scare tactics to educating your readers as to what could be causing their illnesses.

I have personally been suffering from Shortness of Breath/Light cough for a couple of years now, asked doctors, nothing...

After researching this to write this piece, I'm actually going to have somebody into clean our carpet and see if that is the cause of it. I've simply been educated. As an average person, I have no clue that dirty carpets can be the cause of this.

The second headline won't be as effective because it's now asking a Yes or No question, either the prospect is in or out right there, so the second variation will invariably have a lower conversion rate.

Let's see what Shane says in terms of allowing me to explain the piece, and whether you like the concept of it or not, I think there are subtleties in the copy that everyone here could implement, but, are not seeing them due to being on the "inside looking out".

Thanks,

James
 
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FredC

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I think we already have a Joe Polish...maybe....and TBMA is just another random guy from the internet looking for a niche.................

Looks like what I get using IAW to write articles.....
 
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Shane Deubell

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Let's see what Shane says in terms of allowing me to explain the piece, and whether you like the concept of it or not, I think there are subtleties in the copy that everyone here could implement, but, are not seeing them due to being on the "inside looking out".

Thanks,

James

[FONT=&quot]Breakdown: [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]THE USP: [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We Help Professional Women Who Struggle To Find The Time To Keep [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Their Carpets Clean, Get Fresh, Healthy Carpets & Upholstery In As Little As 3 [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Hours[/FONT][FONT=&quot] While Providing Our Flexible Scheduling Guarantee. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Just as said in the forum, with the USP, we're capturing the target audience by speaking directly to them. Illustrating their pain point (not enough time to keep the house clean), and then addressing another need with flexible scheduling, by guaranteeing it.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The only hesitation I would have with this USP would be based on how targeted your list is. If these are being sent to households with couples, the woman/wife/girlfriend may find it offensive that the USP is assuming it is their responsibility to keep the house clean. As these are business professionals, most likely empowered/feminist type.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Also, you'll notice the “3 Hours” commitment. I would take the shortest time possible for you to clean a room, and go with that time. By saying something ambiguous like “same day”, to me, a potential customer, would think that either means 1 hour, or up to 24 hours. So be specific, but also keep in mind that as the copy is precursored with “in as little as”, you do not have to make a commitment to the time.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Headline:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"How Are Your Dirty Carpets & Upholstery Effecting Your[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Health?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]With the headline I ask more of an open ended question. I noticed when reading a lot [/FONT][FONT=&quot]of carpet cleaners post cards that the headlines were questions like, "Got [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Stains?", which is a Yes, or No question. If the reader doesn’t have stains, they’re either in or out right there.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Also, hitting on the factor of health is always a big thing these days, it's safe to [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]say, most people will want to know how the carpet in their house may be effecting [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]their health. Especially business professionals who want to stay sharp and can't afford to miss work (the copy maybe too presumptuous in thinking they will be [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]thinking in those terms, but still, health is a universal concern.) [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Sub Head:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]According to the Center for Disease Control: airborne irritants caused by dirty carpets & upholstery[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]cause disease and illnesses such as:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]- Asthma - Bronchitis - Cough - [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]- Pneumonia - Fever - Itchy Eyes -[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Rather than going in with empty claims about how their dirty carpets may be effecting their health. We grab them right off the bat, by bringing information from the Center for Disease Control. Giving credibility to your claims/copy. As soon as they read this they’re thinking, “it’s gotta be legit”.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] I actually found this stuff in reports from the CDC. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Body:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Think Your Carpet Is Clean? Think Again.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Average Homeowner's Carpet Harbors 200,000 Bacteria Per/Square Inch! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]After reading the CDC facts, I'm sure in many readers mind they will be thinking, [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“Yeah, well my carpet isn't dirty so I don't have to worry about that.” So this line [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]should hook them back into realizing that this isn't just one of those "Only OTHER [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]people have those problems" sort of scenarios. I have to admit, this is a random [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]stat I pulled from the net, that I can't verify, which I hate! But, it's still powerful. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]With Our "3-Step Cleaning" Formula, We Kill 99% Of Germs & Bacteria [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The First Time![/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Here we offer them the solution. This is actually why I was asking you if you could [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]tell me your process. Saying things like Our "3-Step Cleaning" Formula, makes it [/FONT][FONT=&quot]look like you have some magical process that is unique to you.. a mini-USP! So, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]swap the number “3” out with your actual number for the process. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Also, if EVERYONE has [/FONT][FONT=&quot]the same process, good, but you're the one who is touting it, so to the victor goes [/FONT][FONT=&quot]the spoils (platitude?!). [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]We Know You're Busy... With Our Flexible Scheduling Guarantee, You Propose 2 Separate Cleaning Times, If We Fail To Accommodate These Times The Service [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]is Free! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Here we are coming to clarify the USP in which we explain the flexible scheduling guarantee. I really can't comment on if this is feesable or not, I don't know how big your crew is. However, if you even have the capacity to honor the FIRST proposed time, that would obviously be even more powerful. Not sure how you would want to work this. But, as you said, this is one of [/FONT][FONT=&quot]their pain points, here's the solution. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Call Us Now For a FREE Inspection To Determine If Your Home Is Putting Your Health In[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Danger![/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]1-800-WE CLEAN[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Alright, the call-to-action, this line positions you as the hero who can tell them if [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]their house is in fact a toxic wasteland or not. It also positions you subconsciously as a trust-worthy person who is only going out there to SEE (keyword is “determine”) if they could use your services to safe-guard their health. I can think of a couple other ways on how to test this call-to-action, but I'd give this one a shot first. When you're asking your prospect to take the first move and making it that they actually have to talk to someone who is trying to sell them a service, you invariably suffer a [/FONT][FONT=&quot]lower response rate a lot of the time. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Attn: Professional Business Women [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Flip This Card Over... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Your Health Depends on It.... [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The front is just a strong call-to-action by calling out your target market to turn [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]the card over and actually READ The copy, cause that's all you really need the [/FONT][FONT=&quot]front of the card to do. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Follow up:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I would keep track of who contacts you and who doesn't. The people that DON'T contact you on the initial mailing, I'd hit them with a similar variation, but push the adverse health effects of having pets with talking about [/FONT][FONT=&quot]some nasty disease I found on CDC site. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I'd follow up once more, and hit the biggest pain point possible, a slightly smaller [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]market, but those with kids. And really push the fact that these people need a [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]clean house for their kids sake! [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I don't think I need to tell you this, but by attacking the health angle out the [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]gate, once you're in the door for the inspection, you can very naturally say, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]"While I'm here, I'm happy to check out your ventilation system for you, as [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]everything you read on the post card, is amplified with dirty vents!" [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Keep me posted on the results![/FONT]
 
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Jimmy
Sorry Fred, let me jump in here to give you a hand.

ATTN ALL CARPET CLEANERS.

I am a marketing guy that stumbled across this forum from a Google search around platitudes (hence my username). I thought I could add value to the thread, at which point Shane said I was full of crap, and if I wanted to show I had any knowledge to write him a post card piece, to which I accepted, it is the one being showcased in this thread.

I snooped around the forum a little bit and found that carpet cleaners, or this forum in particular (not sure which one), is full of business owners that are well aware of the importance of marketing, and surprisingly, this can be a rare thing to come across.

I have seen many marketing pieces and websites that scream, "me too", and felt that the knowledge I had could in fact add value to this forum. The flaming of my piece is a perfect example that some people here, while understanding the importance of copy, don't understand how to derive value and see where a piece might generate more business then simply putting out advertisements that say, "Clean 2 rooms and get the 3rd for Free".

As I said to Fred when he approached me to ask who the hell I am, I told him, but also let him know that I have been the biggest student, as I have constantly been taking notes on all areas carpet cleaners may struggle to get business, and also what has worked for them.

I hope you can appreciate that I am not simply an SEO/Web design guy who is looking to take on every client I can get, not caring if the $1,000s of dollars they invest in SEO/web design results in an increase in business or not.

Do I plan on taking this information, putting my marketing knowledge to it and spinning it in a way that could help a carpet cleaner market their business more effectively? Yep.

But, as my intentions in this forum aren't to simply sit here and be a "forum" marketer, hoping for my inbox to fill up with inquiries for my marketing services, I will say...

DO NOT CONTACT ME FOR ANY MARKETING SERVICES... I AM HERE SIMPLY AS A STUDENT AND WILL TRY AND PROVIDE VALUE WHERE I CAN... PLEASE DO NOT ASSUME I AM HERE TO LEACH OFF OF ANY OF THIS FORUMS MEMBERS. ALL CARPET CLEANERS I DO LOOK TO PROSPECT WILL BE FOUND OUTSIDE OF THIS FORUM!

...Although, judging from the reaction to this piece, I may not have to worry about inquiries for marketing advice, hahaha!

I'm here to learn effective strategies that can help other carpet cleaners out there that are not aware of resources/don't have the time to visit places like this/educate themselves.

Thanks,

James
 

Royal Man

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No, I failed Inglish.

Hope you are better at SEO than you are at writing copy. That piece stinks!!! The alleged SEO is too long and convoluted to be a USP. The headline is buried and all but the most naïve prospect would see it for the flim flam that it is. BTW: Cleaning for health (In the real world) is one of the last reasons a client cleans their carpets. Better to tap into some of the other more likely reasons why a client chooses to clean their carpet or the benefits physically and emotionally that can be obtained. instead of this drivel. My carpet are killing me. My carpet are killing me!!! Run for the hills!!! What a bunch of BS!!! This copy will be more harmful to prospects that their carpets will ever be. Your carpet harbors 500,000 bacteria. Can't compete with my dog soiled all over my carpet. It looks and smell to high heavens and my Mother in law is coming to stay this week end. Can I trust you to solve my problem?
 
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Shane Deubell

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Like i told jimmy, every month i post videos, flyers, copy, whatever .

People complain no matter what we post, nobody else puts anything up except me, richard, mike. On ANY forum, its easy to complain but hard to do something....
 
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Mikey P

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I agree Shane


It would be nice if more people came on here and really shared more ideas and strategies.


especially examples of things they are doing that really works.
 
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Hi Royal Man,

I will absolutely take your constructive criticisms into account.

You are perhaps not being called to clean a persons house due to health reasons, because nobody has pointed out the potential adverse health effects of having a dirty carpet.

Also note, this piece was written to go out on a post card.

So, when you send out a direct mail piece that says, "Hey, did your dog crap all over your carpet and the Mother in Law is coming next week? Then call us for a quick and courteous service!"
Great pain point, however, how many people did you hit that are in fact in that exact predicament at that exact time? Very very few.

In saying that, could you tell me your conversion rate on post cards or any form of direct mail you have done hitting the same pain point? I'd be amazed if it's 1%.

But, I would imagine you generate very little business from it, as if I received that mail, I would chuck it in the bin, because you've already qualified me out, and I'm definitely not going to have another piece of paper lying around just waiting for that "perfect moment" I need to call you, know why? Because I would jump online and search on Google to find any one of the other 20 carpet cleaners in town that will clean dog crap out of the carpet.

Maybe I can prevent a future post of you saying, "That's why you need to be on Google". I get it, it would be great to be ranked for those terms, but we're looking at other marketing avenues, and prospects don't know to search that their carpet is getting them sick online, so you have to use a form of interruption marketing like a post card in order to get in front of them.

It's funny how you question the point of health... If you don't have your health, what do you have? People pay a lot of money to be healthy. Look at the weight loss industry, it's one of the biggest niches on the internet and for good reason.

Like I said before, I was not aware the health effects of having a dirty carpet, now I know, and I'm considering bringing somebody in. Guess what, I have stains on my carpet, been there for a year, do I care... nope. Would I get it cleaned if my Mother in Law came over? Maybe, but good luck hitting me at that moment in time.

I cough everyday I wake up, and sit here feeling "wheezy", do you think I would like a solution for that? Would I pay $200+ to get my carpet cleaned if I truly think it could be the solution to my problem? Yep. In which way do you not feel that's a bigger pain point?

Look, again, read the cliff notes and implement some if it into your own copy instead of just being another carpet cleaner, because if your selling point is that you clean dog crap, or that you will clean the 3rd room for free, you're no different to me, the customer. That's when price shopping comes into play.

What if the call-to-action on the piece said, go to www.healthycarpets.com, in which you had a short face to camera video explaining how to tell if your carpet is in fact what's causing these symptoms? Give a few quick tests they can do: Do your symptoms act up when you're inside your home? Do you find they're specific to one room, does this room have carpet? Things like that, give value, solve the persons problem.

You build rapport with the prospect by having your face on camera, and you're legitimately helping them narrow down the possibilities to their problems.

Like I said Royal Man, sometimes it's hard to be on the inside for so long and try looking out, especially when the customers you've attracted into your business through your marketing message, will continue to be the same, since you have preconceptions as to what marketing will work and what will not.

You've been in business since 1762, I wrote my first piece of copy for this industry 2 days ago, and put it together over a couple of days. So, let's calm down a wee bit.

Thanks for your input.

James
 
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FredC

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I wrote my first piece of copy for this industry 2 days ago, and put it together over a couple of days. So, let's calm down a wee bit.

Thanks for your input.

James

And yet you will defend your piece to the death.

Do you really think that veteran carpet cleaners haven't seen that exact same shit before? Do you reallly think they just "don't understand the importance of copy"? Just believe in different advertising?

That "nobody has pointed out the potential adverse health effects of having a dirty carpet"?

You remind me of artist saying "you just don't get it"....perhaps your painting is just ugly as fook and lacks any real skill...but you did read an art book while staying at a HIE
 
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Royal Man

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I clean for health. I'm doing a allergy cleaning today for a small house for $1300. I advertised it for years. Just that very few people clean for that reason even with advertising. You are better off advertising for the other problems you can solve or reasons you can help. It's a percentage thing. Advertise for the highest or more common reasons for your service. Also testimonials can pull better than made up copy. People can related to it and put more faith in them. Far more than a sales presentation that they can see right through. You copy looks like flim, flam and will be ignored by most. How about use this or a variation of this formula. First on top a compelling Headline. 7 words or less. Often with a feature or a benefit. Then an interesting large graphic to draw in the reader. Then a few testimonials from your clients of how your company solve a problem for them, you got them out of a big jam or your company saved the day. Then add a call to action and or an offer and then insert your contact information. Large enough for all to easily see.
 
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tmiklethun

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If the claims you make are factual 200,000 bacteria per sq inch etc. Then I don't have a problem with it.

Can someone explain to me what the difference is between educating a client on a real issue that they would benefit from knowing and using "fear based" marketing.

My biggest concern is the guarantee and if it could be lived up to. I don't know if Shane is Multi truck, but i am an O/O and to say if I cant meet one of two appointment options or its free would be very difficult. If Shane can live up to the promise then it is good.

It does appear that people on this board do not like long copy. Yours isn't even that long, but many will say it is. I have had many tell me that my videos and blogs are too long, that nobody will take the time to read or watch ect. To me it is simple, if you are a higher priced cleaner you have to say something in your copy that justifies why. If a high priced cleaner ran the same advertising that a volume based cleaner runs the high priced cleaner would never get a job.

I also think that people do clean for their health. One of my upsells in an EPA Carpet Sanitizer and I sell it on about 15% of my jobs. If you targeted the market right and are sending the postcard to the right prospect I think the copy will do very well if laid out properly. It does need to be easy to read.
 

Desk Jockey

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Rico Suave
I appreciate the effort Chris but to be honest it would take some time sorting the pepper from the rat turds. Most of that is just pure shit.

Scare tactics are so passe, 80's stuff..... people are much more in tune using the internet as a resource. They read everything that draws their interest no pulling the wool over their eyes.

The other things is carpet already has enough of a negative connotation without scaring people further towards hard surfaces.
:errf:

Again excellent try, worthy effort but a bit too heavy handed in the approach.
 

tmiklethun

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Peoria, Arizona
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Travis Miklethun
Fred, can you think of any marketing piece, headline, call to action that a veteran carpet cleaner has not already seen. It doesn't matter what the veteran carpet cleaners have seen, it matters what the prospect will respond to.
 

tmiklethun

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Messages
285
Location
Peoria, Arizona
Name
Travis Miklethun
Like i told jimmy, every month i post videos, flyers, copy, whatever .

People complain no matter what we post, nobody else puts anything up except me, richard, mike. On ANY forum, its easy to complain but hard to do something....

Shane, that is really the key. You will have alot of people on here giving their opinion, but the only way to know for sure is to test it. If it doesn't work, shit can it and move on to the next.
 
Joined
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Location
Toronto
Name
Jimmy
Good to see a more constructive morning.

Fred: You're just a special kinda guy, and I'm going to leave it at that.

Royal Man: Much appreciated for the constructive criticisms of it this morning. I agree that your formula is definitely a tried, tested and true.

Doc: You're probably right, maybe your market is more sophisticated, and doesn't need something so "heavy". Especially a post card that is not battling for the same type of attention span as an online landing page does.

tmiklethun: The images below are good examples of education based marketing. Thanks for the kind words.

View attachment 2488

View attachment 2489
Source: http://carpetcleaningwebsites.net/p...carpet-cleaners-my-experience-and-conclusion/

I think maybe this is a speed of advertising that everyone would appreciate more in this forum.

I will say how I read the piece, it was the top green header, "Take the white towel test", skimmed the first paragraph and no longer interested.

So, perhaps a splice of my approach, with this would be the superior choice.

On the back, it once again gets into pricing, which is really what I think this industry needs to get away from, 3 for $99, all of this is simply making the assumption this is your markets biggest hurdle in doing business with you.

I was brought up in the hotel industry, since I was 6. Not sure if you guys are aware, but any hotel you walk into, and ask for a AAA discount, you'll get 10% off the regular rate (customers who do this know to ask the RACK rate FIRST, then hit it again with the 10%). This used to be a great little marketing strategy for the original hotels that started offering this, because AAA members would seek them out specifically just for the discount, so it acted as a sort of loyalty card.

However, as other hotels started to catch on as to what was happening, they all started offering the discounts too, as to not lose the business. To where we are today in which every hotel is offering AAA discounts not for an edge in the market, but simply to stay relevant because if they don't they feel they will be left behind. Practically the entire industry has discounted itself by 10% just because they think they HAVE to.

But, here's the catch. After eliminating the AAA discount, we began to lose VERY VERY few customers. People just accepted the fact we didn't offer it and stayed anyways.

So, in short, the entire industry harms itself by making assumptions in what will generate/keep the customer.

Thanks,

James
 

Desk Jockey

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Messages
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A planet far far away
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Rico Suave
Not to rag on somebody's piece but that's way too wordy and they are using scare tactic's too.

Dust Mite in carpets, maybe a little (???) but if you're really concerned about dust mites look where people lay and sleep. Mattress covers, Mattresses, Pillows, Upholstered furniture. They consume dead skin, unless you lay and sleep on your carpet, you're barking up the wrong tree.
 
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Joined
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Jimmy
It is using scare tactics definitely. But, I would say it's atleast more educational than what I wrote (though, I don't think I've written the bench mark piece)...

I like the fact he's illustrating + giving a way for people to actually see how dirty their carpets are with the white towel test, it gives strong imagery to the reader.

Yeah, far too wordy, there's no way I would give it the time it's requesting.
 

truckmount girl

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8,880
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Sun City, CA
Name
Lisa Smith
What proof do you have that your method (or any method) kills 99% of "germs and bacteria"? Even hospital grade disinfectants and bleach only have that kill rate on NON-POROUS surfaces.

As was mentioned before people clean their carpet because they want it to look (and smell) nice....or at least not be gross. Fear based marketing puts us in the same boat with home security and pest control contractors, two industries that disgust me with their marketing.

Affect and Effect are commonly misused. myself being guilty far too frequently. I keep this link on my desktop, but I still find myself screwing up a lot.

http://web.ku.edu/~edit/affect.html

Take care,
Lisa
 

Desk Jockey

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Rico Suave
Love the Jayhawk background! :icon_cool:


jayhawk.gif

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Joined
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Messages
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Location
Toronto
Name
Jimmy
What proof do you have that your method (or any method) kills 99% of "germs and bacteria"? Even hospital grade disinfectants and bleach only have that kill rate on NON-POROUS surfaces.

As was mentioned before people clean their carpet because they want it to look (and smell) nice....or at least not be gross. Fear based marketing puts us in the same boat with home security and pest control contractors, two industries that disgust me with their marketing.

Affect and Effect are commonly misused. myself being guilty far too frequently. I keep this link on my desktop, but I still find myself screwing up a lot.

http://web.ku.edu/~edit/affect.html

Take care,
Lisa

Yeah, that line was thrown in there with hopes that somebody (one of the many industry professionals here) could throw a real number in instead of the typical "99%" spiel. It would maybe do just as well to be taken out all together and giving the copy some room to breathe.

I actually saw your posts expressing your disgust in Joe Polish, so last night when I saw your name I knew immediately what your reaction would be. However, if carpet does have the capacity to make people sick, and people are unaware of this, then isn't it your job as a carpet cleaner to inform them about this?

I think it's more important that people know their carpet could be or will potentially make them sick, vs giving them fresh looking carpets.

Thanks for the link, haha!
 

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