What do you think of this 1/2 page flyer?

[Jeremy]

I made it from a blank design from the soon to be released 100% Free Snake Oil Marketing Package:

Many designs will be available completed with my company info as an example and both blank and blank except with the headline filled in. That way you can either copy the text and change the details or use your own copy. It's not a bad deal seeing as the price is $0.00 :!: Anyway, I think I'll actually use this on in my next mailing...

In the mean time tear it apart! You know you want to tell me I suck at life... Here is your chance!!

 

[Becker]

In have a load of dirt in my front yard I dug out over the weekend to install an egress window.

I'm offering it free as well, but for sone reason no one is seeing the value of the free offer.

2nd paragraph did not make sence to me. Perhaps it is just me.

Do 1/2 page flyers work for com?

Why half page? These accounts could be worths 10s of thousands.

Ya think cintas is handing out 1/2 page flyers?

When I do flyers, res is all I target. I do full page.

I might have no idea what I'm talking about. As I don't target com.

 

[Willy P]

That's so good I'm stealing it. Well done Jeremy.

 

[Jeremy]

Just because it's free doesn't make it worthless, Don.

I use 1/2 page because they can be printed two per page and cut, they are generally inserted with sales letters and because its 1/2 as many trees that way... It also helps with the weight on metered mailings... I generally use 9x12 envelopes and put something in to make it "lumpy"...

Yeah, some of the text needs a re-write but I knew that coming in. I just figured the Howdy Doody/Steve Bushemi love children of the board would want something to bitch about... : )

 

[Desk Jockey]

In have a load of dirt in my front yard I dug out over the weekend to install an egress window.

I'm offering it free as well, but for sone reason no one is seeing the value of the free offer.

I'll take that dirt, would you ship it to me free too?

I have some holes to fill, the summers drought has left me with some lows spots along the sidewalks and drive way I need to fill in.

 

[Becker]

I did not say it was worthless.

Im sure it is the sales letter that sells.

1/2 page is not much. Must not be if you put something bulky in.

What do you put in that does not weigh much or cost much?

 

[daniel@procarpet]

Looks good to me.

 

[Jeremy]

Usually a pack of M&Ms or a few Werthers Originals... Whatever you use the total thickness of the package hase to be under 1/4" or you pay through the nose.

BTW here is the updtated text:

 

[Bob Foster]

Maybe try a nicer font and make some of the copy more customer benefit oriented. Already might be too much copy for the space.

Put a benefit statement on the carpet. Lots of space there that isn't used that wont take away from the picture. And the copy has to be read so that the benefit to your reader is realized in one glance.

The free demo offer should be highlighted some way. Maybe put a box or a splash around it.


My 1 cent...

 

[Mikey P]

Why are there drains in that floor?

 

[Desk Jockey]

must be for the guys that use HWE? :shock:


:mrgreen:

 

[Bob Foster]

Keep your facility dressed for success with Brightwork.
Take the worry out of your facility’s cleanliness to visitors and staff by choosing the uniformed detail oriented Brightwork professionals.
Do you have problem areas? Let Brightwork show you how your problems will disappear with a FREE sample cleaning.
Call for a meeting at a time of your convenience and Brightwork will show how to make you and your facility shine.
Brightwork - at YOUR service!

 

[Desk Jockey]

Clean Carpet…
It just makes sense
Your staff appreciates a clean environment
Your customers appreciate a clean environment

Call today for a FREE test cleaning and quote!

 

[Bob Foster]

Jeremy from your own cleaning business to your Snake Oil products I know you are driven to succeed. Please take my personal opinion constructively.

Unless you can make a piece really professional anything less presented to a customer can potentially give them the impression that the delivery of your services might be less than professional. Especially as it will be apparent to many who view it that you are attempting to deliver a professional advertisement when it really isn't that professional. The message, images, and layout are all off.

I realize that making these advertising pieces is something you enjoy however if you spent that same time working on other business development activities you would be farther ahead.

Some suggestions of what likely could be more fruitful activity

Cold calling by phone or foot
Mining existing customers with "satisfaction surveys" of your existing service by phone or foot. Big question to ask is there any other service we could offer you or you could suggest to them additional services. Power washing, awning cleaning etc.
A eBay storefront for Snake Oil

http://www.pdqmarketing.com

Good luck.

 

[Shawn Forsythe]

Why are there drains in that floor?

Yeah, those drains are the real attention grabber. The "call to action", is someone needs to do something about them. :shock:

Who destroyed the carpet square seams?

 

[Bob Foster]

Why are there drains in that floor?

cabling datacom accesses?

 

[Shawn Forsythe]

 

[Mikey P]

Can you teach a class on virtual patching at M8F Shawn?

 

[Bob Foster]

u]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y13mOBUHwOou]

u]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCWPB7pU_HMu]

 

[idreadnought]

I like the look of the ad and it would work great as a 5/8 postcard. One thing that it is missing is the words Carpet Cleaning. People only take 1 second to look at an ad. If you can't express what your telling them immediatlly then they will toss.

 

[KevinL]

I like Fosters wording better. I even like RCs wording. Definitely have it professionally made.

 

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I like some of the suggestions made here as well... Thanks guys! As for the Postcard/flyer, the background will be available for (high resolution) download within a day or 2 along with a few other designs. That way you can all feel free to use the ad copy you like best (usually your own)...

That said, the Resource Page is almost ready and it's completely free. You don't even have to log in, provide your email address or make a purchase. It's going to be a truly NO COST RESOURCE for your business that will improve & grow over time... Stay tuned for the grand opening... LOL

 

[Shane Deubell]

Direct mail is not very important for commercial work, Support function mainly

This is not very good copy, i would seriously hire someone. We cant be good at everything

 

[Desk Jockey]

Here is a sales letter he sent me a few years ago, Jeremy was on his way to class and asked me to put this up.

While it may not be exactly what you want to say, he said it will be in a word file and you can edit and change it to fit your company.

Brightwork Inc.
5 Thomas Ct.
Scottsburg, IN
47170
(812) 754-1447
October 22, 2007

Chavez Restoration
Attn.: Richard Chavez
2400 S. Kansas
Topeka, Kansas

Subject: Carpet Cleaning

Richard
We would like to thank you for the opportunity to service your facilities. This correspondence is more than a potential sale for us here at Brightwork Inc. It’s our chance to showcase our talents and attract a growing customer base. As you well know, customers are what keep small business afloat. Keeping customers is what makes small businesses prosper.

Brightwork Inc. would love to offer a free demonstration of our services as a show of good faith. Any 200 square feet (preferably in one of your problem areas) can be cleaned free of charge with no obligation. At no time will I or a member of my staff try any “high pressure sales”. We only want you to be able to see the benefits of our system first hand.
These benefits include:
* Fast Drying- Our low moisture system dries faster. This allows you to use rooms as normal within 1-2 hours of cleaning. The best part is your satisfaction is guaranteed.
* Stays Clean Longer- Our Premium Cleaning Solutions leave no sticky residues & actually protect the fibers. This keeps the appearance of your facility at its best for a longer interval.
* Quiet & Convenient- No noisy machine in the parking lot, no hoses in your hallways. Our equipment is quiet enough to run outside a room & not disturb your patients and staff. We even offer evening & weekend appointments.
* No Reappearing Spots- The Brightwork Inc. low moisture system greatly reduces the chances of returning spots. If a spot does return let us know & we will return at no charge to remove it.
* Cost Effective- This system allows us to not only produce great results. It allows for greater productivity, which helps keep your costs down.
* Free Demonstration- Let us solve one of your problem areas for you. No obligation. Just clean carpet & friendly service.
* Maintenance Plan- Let Brightwork put your cleaning on auto-pilot. We can eliminate the clean, dirty, clean, dirty cycle a lot of institutions experience. Brightwork Inc. will tailor a proactive cleaning schedule for your facility. This helps keep your facility attractive & inviting for your patients and staff.
Feel free to contact us with any questions you may have. In addition, we assure you that no one will appreciate your business more than we here at Brightwork Inc. A local, family owned company operated by a proud veteran.

Sincerely,

Jeremy D. Sweetland
Owner, Brightwork Inc.
(812)754-1447
J.Sweetland@Insightbb.com

 

[Jeremy]

Thanks Richard!

 

[Jeremy]

Here is the same letter re-written a tad to make it more personalized and somewhat more engaging... That's kind of the point of a lot of these peices: You can take them and make them your own... No need to write a check to a guru just yet... Anothe benefit is there will (hopefully) be folk sharing their re-designs & rewrites & copy so the ideas continue to grow and benefit more people.

Anywho... Here is the second draft with a more personal twist:

5 Thomas Court
Scottsburg, Indiana 47170
(812) 754-1447

August 31, 2011

X
X
X
X

Dear XYZ,
In Marine Corps lingo, ‘brightwork’ refers to brass or other shiny metal that must be polished. During my service in the USMC, I spent many a long hour polishing brightwork. In the process, I learned the value of attention to detail and how to work past ‘good enough’ to get all the way to ‘perfect.’ After returning from a tour in Iraq and coming home to start my own business, I named my floor care business Brightwork Inc. to reflect the high standard of excellence I upheld as a Marine.

I’d like to offer you a free demonstration cleaning so you can see the difference that a systematic, thorough approach to floor care can make in the appearance of your place of business. I’ll personally clean 250 square feet of flooring – preferably in one of your high-traffic or problem areas – free of charge, with no strings attached. I won’t try any high-pressure sales tactics because I know that you already understand the importance of keeping your facility clean, attractive, and inviting for your clients and staff, and you’re just looking for the best, most cost-effective way to get it done.

I also know that my work will speak for itself. You’ll immediately see the benefits of the unique system of floor care I’ve developed over time.

Brightwork Inc. floor care is:

• Fast Drying. My innovative low-moisture system allows your carpet or flooring to dry faster, so you can begin to use your rooms again within one to two hours of cleaning.
• Quiet and Convenient: No noisy machine in your parking lot, no hoses in your hallways. My equipment is quiet enough to run without disturbing clients or staff in the next room.
• Cost Effective: My premium cleaning solutions – many of which I’ve developed or customized myself – leave no sticky residues, actually protect carpet fibers, and keep floors clean longer. The low-moisture system also reduces the chance that stains will reappear.
• Satisfaction Guaranteed: I take pride in my work, genuinely appreciate my customers, and meet or exceed their expectations.

As the owner of a local small business, I would truly appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to demonstrate my service, learn more about your floor care needs, and discuss your maintenance plan. I will follow up on this letter with a phone call in the next few days, but if you have questions or would like to schedule your free demonstration cleaning, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Sincerely,


Jeremy D. Sweetland
Founder and Owner
Brightwork Inc.
j.sweetland@brightworkclean.com

Seems a bit more personal now, huh?

 

[Becker]

Keep it to one page.

 

[SMRBAP]

Jeremy, Just for giggles, try the following:

Never use more than 2 font types on any print ad, inclusive of your logo.

Right justify your text (bc your image is on the left), and reduce it's size so you can get relative/even spacing above, below, and on the sides of the image and edge.

86 the yellow drop shadow on the quote and #, don't italicize, reduce size a scosche, and go bold.


It's super tiny nuances that make something that looks really good, like something you paid a $200/hr ad agency put out for you. With these sorts of print ads you have about 2 seconds to make or break an impression and actually have your message read vs tossed in the trash.

 

[SMRBAP]

Jeremy, Just for giggles, try the following:

Never use more than 2 font types on any print ad, inclusive of your logo.

Right justify your text (bc your image is on the left), and reduce it's size so you can get relative/even spacing above, below, and on the sides of the image and edge.

86 the yellow drop shadow on the quote and #, don't italicize, reduce size a scosche, and go bold.


It's super tiny nuances that make something that looks really good, like something you paid a $200/hr ad agency put out for you. With these sorts of print ads you have about 2 seconds to make or break an impression and actually have your message read vs tossed in the trash.

 

[Connor]

Why are there drains in that floor?

Those aren't drains, those are the vents for the HVAC system, but they'll certainly function like drains when the so-called freeze proof roof hydrant doesn't self winterize and, well, freezes.